The Euphoria of "Loving Yourself"
The HBO series, Euphoria, is one of the most talked-about drama series among my friends lately. In the season 2 of Euphoria, there is an impressive scene related to Kat Hernandez, one of the female characters of the show played by the American-Brazilian model Barbie Ferreria. Kat is a high school student who has a stigma about her larger physique (Barbie is actually an advocate for plus size women and body positivity in real life!). After she was dumped by her childhood boyfriend over her appearance, she took a defensive attitude toward men. She shows a contradicting side of herself though, as she still craves for love and attention, which eventually leads her to having a sexualized persona online. Kat struggles in the show, and only seems to regain some self-confidence and self-worth after she is with a guy. This was like putting a bandaid over a bullet wound and in turn did not actually impact her mental health for long. Her self-assurance looked real, but was all a hoax.
In the second episode of season 2, Kat imagines being surrounded by numerous women who are all shouting to her: "You are one of the bravest, most beautiful human beings I've ever seen.","You just have to love yourself!", etcetera. All of the women appearing in her imagination appear to have the perfect bodies and model-defined faces, which is deemed as being close to “perfect” by the heteronormative standards of western society. Kat feels contradicted by her feelings versus societal beauty standards, and as she gets more frustrated she shouts at them to "smash all your beauty standards!", and says "I wish I had your confidence.” She cried out, asking how she can love herself when she hates herself so much; this was the scene that touched me the most from the season.
I feel disagreeable to the phrase "Love yourself", something that people spit out to others out of habit or to promote being positive. Why do people keep telling me to love myself, when it can be so hard to love myself in a society that showcases “perfection” and glorified beauty standards?
In Euphoria, Kat dislikes herself so much that she cannot help but doubt herself, creating fear about her boyfriend, Ethan and whether he does or does not truly love her. Pushing the motto to “love yourself” without knowing personal context can be stimulating more doubt and pressure to someone who is struggling with their self-image. In today's society it can be hard to express yourself, especially when the world is talking about the 'love yourself' movement allthewhile making it hard to vindicate your own feelings, principally negative feelings, that you may have about yourself.
While writing articles as a beauty editor I have recommended products that are pushed by the beauty industry to make one’s appearance “better”. I know that it is necessary to love myself as I am, as this is an ideal parents instill in their children, but whilst writing these articles about what to purchase in order to fit into sociatal beauty, I have noticed how contradictory this expression is.
Some people say pursuing “perfection” in terms of beauty is just overlooking the bigger picture; they will say that true beauty and true happiness comes from within. How can we continue to push for a positive mindset and acceptance of our most organic self when entire industries are thriving on the ideals of putting us down or convincing us that we need to be better, that we need to be perfect, and that we can be.
Who are these investments for? Why do we wake up every morning, perfect our makeup routine or night skincare 11-step regime, purchase the most expensive pedicure or trendiest hair tool? I know I do my makeup for me, but in a society that has subconsciously impacted our purchasing habits, it makes me wonder.
The desire to appear beautiful for others, whether arbitrary or purposeful, is likely a reflection of the reality in which we have no choice but to be conscious of the gaze from others. I’m not saying that pursuing beauty is wrong, I love beauty products and the industry, but we may have to say that ‘loving yourself’ can be extremely hard in a contradictory society.
Even though others may judge me on appearance, I'm the one who knows me the best. In that sense, the love yourself motto is more and can go beyond the superficial meaning. When you don’t love yourself, it is hard to feel beloved or recognize the love you deserve. It is genuinely hard to be yourself when you cannot completely embrace yourself. Instead of saying “love yourself”, we can just say “I love you”, or better yet, “you’re enough”. This may be the most necessary statement for Kat, who breaks down for not being able to love herself.
It is okay to wake up and stay in bed all day, but just know you are enough and that selfcare goes a lot longer than a lipstick shade ever will. Finding your inner strength and recognizing who you truly are takes time and much needed patience. Our body is a tool, and although weak one day, it is strong the next. Take care of yourself and focus on the people, experiences, and products (yes, products!) that makes you feel most beautiful. Although we will face contradictory advertisements and comments, we can promote change and help ourselves along our journey towards self-worth and inner beauty. The best way to start this journey is to look to the people around you that you love and who love you, like Kat found with her girls.
